Putting FAMILY first



Kathryn Hays and Don Hastings as
Kim and Bob Hughes
April 2010 - 25th Anniversary



Last night, I was watching the 25th anniversary of  Bob and Kim's marraige? when I had some thoughts about family and relationships. It has led me to comments and reflections on 'putting family first' and how it relates to As the World Turns.

Everyone always talks about how scripted drama is becoming superfluous and boring in today's society, especially for the younger generation. I disagree; and I am reminded again and again of the disservice that the changes in focus away from story-telling in television, is forcing an unwelcome 'selfishness' on our culture. Where are the family values, the interaction with grandparents and having honest conversations with parents and siblings at the evening dinner table ? I may be old-fashioned, but I miss sitting on the front porch or doorstep, watching children ride their bikes down the street, and talking to the neighbors, while supervising your 16 year old son mowing the lawn. And, I blame technology for this. I long for respect, empathy and truth instead of ipads, DS and 'me, me, me'  of reality TV.

Will Estes, Len Cariou, Tom Selleck, Bridget Moynahan,
Donnie Wahlberg in Blue Bloods

I was bitterly disappointed with the remake of the classic drama, Hawaii 5-O because I saw only shoot-outs and chase scenes. The main characters seem much younger and there is not the real character and relationship development that existed between Jack Lord and James McArthur. In my opinion, there is one prime-time scripted drama now, that does show exactly what I want to see. Blue Bloods with Tom Selleck and Donny Wahlberg shows FAMILY and does it very well. We are introduced to an Irish-Catholic family in New York City, where the grandfather is a retired police officer (Len Cariou) and the widowed son (Tom Selleck) is the poilce Commissioner. His children include an older son as the 'not-by-the-book detective, the younger son as the rookie cop and the divorced daughter as the assistant DA. Yes, it could be considered rather cliche, but in this case, it works well. The best part is always the insistence of Sunday dinner, around a huge harvest table in the dining room, with spouses and children joining in the banter sometimes about police cases and sometimes about school, boyfriends and even sibling rivalry. No matter what the situation or drama, the relationships show support, compassion, love and personal conflict intermingled with the cases and crimes they are dealing with. It 'rings' honest and true. I recently 'gave up ' on Grey's Anatomy when it became contrived and just silly. I also don't like how the networks think that viewers only want the sensational and the ugly. I would much rather see an honest conversation between father and daughter about feelings they experienced when the mother passed away (Blue Bloods), than see a deranged killer go on a shooting spree in a hospital. Sorry, that's just my opinion.

Santos Ortega nad Helen Wagner
as Grandpa Hughes and Nancy

'Putting family first' has somehow lost it's appeal in today's society. I don't think the writers of ATWT ever lost that strong committment and endearing quality. It was made evident in the early portrayal of Irna Philllips characters with the Hughes and Lowell families. It was then further expanded to include the Stewarts, Montgomery's, Snyders and even Walshes. There was a sense of community, common interest and insight into middle American life. We always knew that Grandpa Hughes would be upset with Lisa because he felt that she had abandoned her little boy, Tom. We also knew that Ellen would do anything to find the son she had given up for adoption. Most of the discussions were simple, honest common sense advice. It was always warm, welcoming and true to real life.

When the focus was taken away from 'family'; and life became 'fast-paced', with an emphasis on upwardly mobile young career-minded adults who had little use for the 'older and wiser' members of their extended families, most serial dramas shifted and lost much sincerity and 'realness'. Although the writers of ATWT, also seemed to lose the 'sense of family', they were wise enough to get it back, especially in the last few months before the end. I am especially reminded of the relationship that Nancy Hughes had with Katie Peretti. For me, Helen Wagner's last on-screen appearance will forever remain in my heart as somewhat ethereal and prophetic. Through 54 years of 'putting family first' on ATWT, I would like to show through three examples of how the writers and actors were able to achieve authenticity and a sense of belonging in respect and honour. Although I could have given countless examples of how this was achieved through great storytelling and the development of relationships on ATWT, I will limit myself here to show how Barbara and Kim were able to make the connection between reality and scripted drama, as they put family first.  

Kathryn Hays and Colleen Zenk

Kim Reynolds and her sister Jennifer were close but, as in most families, they both vied for attention from the handsome doctor, Bob Hughes. Barbara was married to James Stenbeck and often asked her aunt Kim for advice after her mother, Jennifer died. Having been married to John Dixon, Kim was quite adept in dealing with a man who was so self-absorbed and selfish that he destroyed the one good relationship he could have had with his wife and son, Andy. Often the advice that Kim would bestow on her somewhat naive niece, would be how to cope with James and all his indiscretions. As husbands changed for both women, the love and respect they had for each other never changed. When Barbara became hard and cruel, Kim was often harsh, but never judgemental to the point where she gave up on her niece.  Kim would get very angry with Barbara when she felt that her niece had gone astray and made some disastrous and dangerous decisions as a controlling and conniving mother. Kim was never one to mince words with Barbara, and I think that Barbara respected and loved her aunt because of Kim's honesty.

At Fashions with Barbara, Kim and Lisa

The first example goes back a few years to when Barbara lost Johnny. Barbara was married to John and seemed to really have put her life back together when she lost her baby. Andy talks to Barbara about her loss and then Hal (Barbara's ex-husband) brings Jennifer and Will to see their mother.  After they leave, Barbara is inconsolable. Kim comes in and is able to put life and family into perspective for Barbara.

No one will ever be able to convince me that these scenes are not heartfelt and true in every sense of the word. It shows clearly just how family comes first - always.

Ode to this Day

for yesterday is but a dream and tomorrow will be a vision

but today will live tomorrow

 and makes every yesterday dream of happiness

and every tomorrow a vision of hope

look well therefore to this day

Another very poignant scene in 2008, and one that really hits 'home' is shown when Barbara confesses to Kim that she has oral cancer. Kim makes Barbara see that although, yes, she should be concerned for her family, she must also take the time to look after herself in order to heal. 

 Kim to Barbara, "It matters to me, kiddo. I am your family. I need to know about this. Mama is here".

When Bob was focused on hospital business and didn't respond to Kim's subtle yet emotional pleas for attention, I was heartbroken for her. It wasn't because she was saying anything new, provocative or even prophetic. It was simple, heartfelt and true. Family should come first. All Kim wanted was for Bob to take some time to be with her. It was their 25th wedding anniversary; and yet Bob treated the occasion nonchalantly. She even made the point that what she admired so much about her father-in-law, Chris Hughes, was that he had always taken the time to spend with his family. Kim saw that quality in Bob, as well. Yet, over the years, Bob had let work and 'life' consume his time.

Kim to Bob, "He always put his family first. That's what I am doing. That's what I am asking you to do."

And there is the point of my blog, today.